Its funny how a TV show can kinda make me think abt some stuff kinda an epiphany !!Watchin Big Brother Brazil 10 they were “divided” in groups, gorgeous, smart, gays, tuned, shaped (I found disgusting by the way) … then I realized that its so true we r born to be Part of something, kinda some person was born to be cute, another was born to be intelligent … I guess I was born to be smart maybe, not even sure… anyway now I guess I can try understand wht my grandma says, and kinda see some logic, First Im a boy actually a guy; not even a boy anymore; and soo I gotta be practical and rational not emotional if I supposed to be emotional I d be born a girl! Second, being emotional will not give me anything back, just sadness cryin moments, and stress!! Third yes I gotta face live doesn’t mean fun, or joy every moment, and its not cause I want something baaad I’ll have it, and soo what that I want? Who am I to want something? Fourth … Why the hell do I think Im special?? Im just one more stupid person alive, well actually thinking why the hell am I still here? Why worth live for ???
And No, im not being dramatic… just bein realistic!! Every time I fell in luv I got fucked! I went to the supermarket w/ my mom and I was thinking abt all relationship that I had, and its ok, im just 16 fuckin yo , but I did have few relationships… every time I ended up hurt… no matter how! When I was pretty young I was in luv w/ a girl I wrote letters for her and tons of letters and gave her lot of gifts and she totally hated me… then I was in luv w/ my friend it was impossible cause we lived in Czech republic and my dad was the most homophobic person ever! Then I fell in luv w/ a teacher .. he kinda gave me hope sooo I was soooo stupid ok, I was abt 11 anyway!!! Then I fell in luv w/ a girl I bought to her a pretty cute chocolate’s basket ….w/ many kinds of chocolate, liquor chocolate … and some soft bears, they were soo cute, and she said she luved than was her bday, and I gave to her at afternoon and at night she left me alone to go out w/ her ex bf who made a stupid pizza for her, written “I luv yah” … that was pretty letting down!! Now I like someone that don’t even trust me, don’t like me back! I don’t know why do I insist bein emotional maybe cause I like to suffer!! But now thinking abt many things I decided that my granda was right, even if she is wrong, fuck up… harder? Nothing can get any harder! My life pretty sux… thinking abt some good thing in my life I found???? Nothing!!! But yah till yesterday I saw many perspectives, many kind of things that could be cool, now nooope they r NOT! Resumin the worse letting down ever for me… I was tryin pretty hard to bring the singer Adam Lambert to brazil w/ some stupid girls from Rio de Janeiro… but I thought he was goin to come in São Paulo … I talked w/ some ppl that I know cause my mom worked as an assistant of a famous guy (doesn’t matter who is) … she knows many ppl…
Soo I was talking to ‘em anyway they know me pretty well, even one of them said ow u hate ask lol and are u askin me for help!! Yes I hattttteeeeeeeee ask anything!!! Then now I just know that he (Adam Lambert) is goin to be here in ….
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